Turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in His wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace

why so tired nowadays.

Untitled.

It's SG50 Jubilee weekend, and on days like this, I really wish, I can't wait, to have my own family to do what a family do.

The three months break felt so short :-( But looking back on my calendar, quite a lot of things were done actually hahaha. Sungha Jung's concert was awesome. Met up with most of my good old friends. Shot a story revelation for NUS' psychology camp. Outreached and witnessed God's heart for the lost. Attended church conference that brought back the feeling of being soaked in God's overwhelming presence. Went for my first interview that lasted for 1.5 hours, longest ever. Started serving in videography's ministry. Led a group of freshies for ADM's freshmen orientation camp, very much my honour. Made new friends. Served multimedia in the Vietnamese service for the first time, very very much my privilege. Witnessed my brother's convocation. Got to know the lifegroup better. Wah, quite fruitful now that I see it hahahaha, thank God! And this sums up my holiday, woohoooooo :-)

Recently, I've heard of another loss, someone that I knew of. One thing I don't understand is why, God. Why do I keep receiving such news, even when I scroll through facebook I read of people dying. Why. Is there something You're trying to tell me? I'm scared, God. I don't know what I'm scared of but, I'm scared. Is it my family's salvation? I don't know how God, I really don't. You got to lead me. Help, God.

I dreamt of my friend some nights ago. I asked her how heaven was. Windy, she said.

Her shoes are too big.

Served in videography last Saturday for the second time. I still remember the first time was a last minute thing, quite an exciting experience just because it was so last minute I didn't have time to think of what I've previously learnt hahaha. And this time, while panning the stage, lights flickered, and suddenly, from the corner of my eyes, I saw a spark from the electric socket on the other end of the table. LOL, smoke then started to come out. This was all happening during praise and worship, when I was still in the midst of panning hahaha! I was thinking if I'm suppose to run away immediately since I believe the electrical wires are all connected from one end of the sound booth to the other and I was indirectly in contact with the table through the tripod's handle that I was holding that was standing on the table, and if the electric socket exploded, either electric currents would run from the socket to the table to the tripod to the handle to me, or I would be engulfed in the fire since I'm in the booth, and in either way my life would be at risk. HAHAHAH. Thank you God for keeping me safe,  "Please don't explode please don't explode" was on my lips for the rest of worship LOL. This marks another exciting time serving :D

The next day, I was following around my mother the entire day since I always wondered what her Sunday routine was and rarely was there an opportunity to spend a full day with her. It was pretty tiring, waking up before the sun, helping out at stall, practising her song a million times, going for vocalics class, then going for her competition. It was a long day for her. It was a long and tiring day for me. I guess I learnt more about my mom, I grow to understand her more. I didn't know she never had the intention to scold through the phone each time she sounded like she was, because she didn't even know she sounded like one. That was a revelation to me. It was only recent that she realised it was the quality of her voice LOL. My mom is quite cute hahaha, and I'm growing to love her more :)

:)

I was packing my exploding wardrobe until wee hours just now and mom came in. I asked for her help to fold the mountain high of unwanted clothes but she rejected, saying she got work early in the morning tomorrow, then she closed the door. I heard her door room closed, and a minute later the sound of the door opening, footsteps and the shuffling of plastic bags broke the silent night, and tada she came in all equipped to help me. Hahahaha thank you love :)

To remember.

Today was a good day :)

Last night, I was praying hard, that cramps won't come to me the next day, that the camera won't fail me, that the battery would last the day, that I won't fail too much as a cameraman. Because I agreed to help a friend shoot her orientation camp video today. Knowing that the friend that she first approached but wasn't able to help is really good and definitely way more experienced than I am, I guess that placed a little pressure lol, like there's a bar that I've to hit hurhur. Today came, and hallelujah, cramps was unusually less painful, the camera didn't fail at all woohoooo, the one battery lasted through the day hahaha! Amazing because for the last project, two batteries weren't even enough for a day, and I had to wait for it to recharge before filming can resume. Hallelujah! I guess, hopefully, the shoot wasn't too bad hahaha, good experience, so yay! After a long day, backbreaking, legs weakened, I contemplated going for lifegroup. But yay really glad that I went, very much refreshed, a good time playing family feud, LOL that's super fun, and keeping everyone accountable for the things that we had committed to do, that was actually quite heartwarming, living out Hebrews 10:24. Thanks Father for today, thank You for answering my prayer, thank You for revealing yourself, that you're still with me even when I haven't been praying for quite a long while. Thank You :)

Today was a blessed day :)

Words come alive.

"People will fail you," they say. I guess I finally understand this.

Conflicted much.

I think 2014 has decided it was too good that it is now offsetting in 2015.

What an emotional ride today I don't know what to feel.
The day started feeling all so good sweating everything out after a long time, playing badminton and table tennis during drawing class hahaha, how fun, with the cute prof, with an opponent-turned-friend, I think I played more than I drew HAHA. To think about it, I'm quite thankful for the time sweating, releasing all the stress and whatever that is taking up the volume in my heart, as if to prepare for what was about to happen next.

My work was said to be a plagiarism. "Plagiarism is too strong a word," the prof said, yeah I think so too, but I can't think of any other word for it, oh well. I didn't even know I plagiarised lol. This time round, her face was so red lol, so so red I think it must have been a really big shock to her, because she thought I drew the design. I actually felt bad because her face was really really really red lol, in a few seconds the work that she liked (I think, lol) turned into a disastrous nightmare. Maybe she couldn't believe that she approved it so easily at the last consult. The shock was so great that she shook me literally (hahaha I didn't know the impact was that big). Thankfully, I was calm. Oh well, I guess it's miscommunication. I really didn't know my method was not okay, that it was considered plagiarism in a way, well, I never knew. I did say I photoshopped though, oh well. A part of me feels wronged, then again, I guess we only think we are wrong when we do the wrong things, and wronged when things turn out wrong. Maybe, it was a mistake I was blinded to. Maybe, it is a lesson learnt the hard way. Hopefully things will turn out fine. On the flip side, maybe it's a good lesson learnt now while I'm still in year one, the year to make all the stupidest mistakes. Alright, let's leave that as that, and move on, after all, it's just an assignment, I guess.

Please please please, tomorrow please be nice to me :(

Mercies in disguise.

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

"All you want is for people to watch it."

Heh, I'm really happy that my recent works gained a few words of praises from the teachers. The feeling is not the same as those kind words people offer when they see your work I guess, because deep down inside you know your work really isn't good enough lol. That feeling is more like a "you, a professional in this whole art thing, actually agree with me that it's quite good a work", hahaha probably because as an (student) artist, you know it, you just know, when your work is good and when it's not (or maybe it's just me). And then when the professor and lecturer affirm your work, it just made everything so worth it. That sense of achievement, that satisfaction, that confirmation, that excitement, that moment, wah hahaha :') One of the rare times I get affirmations for my work yayyy HAHAHA. I really liked Ina's reaction hahaha. I like lky too :)

Spaced Out

Father of Singapore- Lee Kuan Yew

Ray Pang said, "When you make a film, all you want is for people to watch it. Winning an award is just a bonus." At my stage, I guess evoking emotions and having people to talk about it is a bonus. 

Thanks, Dad :)

#godsfavourlailiao

Let's do it again!

Hahaha hullo Dad!(:

It's 3 months into 2015, things haven't been fantastic I guess, but still manageable. Ever since the 3 days school week started, workload has been fair enough, probably a little less than everyone else haha, and that fact probably created more procrastination from my side, more laidback, less urgency, less inspiration, less motivation, possibly more empty hahaha. With that extra time I had, I don't even recall anything of value done lol, what a waste. People, it's a first losing someone so dear to me, someone that I never knew I would lose. It was painful putting that crane, seeing the family crying so hard, it just ached my heart so much, so much. As everything replays in my mind all over again right now, I'm scared. I really hope those moments never replay itself again. Losing someone is scary, I don't want to lose anyone again. Just don't. Things with You, well, lukewarm for quite a long while, close to 3 months, life wasn't especially nice without You during this season. Can I welcome another season already?

Yesterday's lifegroup was pretty refreshing, for the first time I didn't have to be the guitarist for worship, could just enjoy and really worship You heh. Today's even better woohooooo, refreshed by the shepherding, I think we are getting better at this HAHA, opening up deeper slowly but surely. She asked a question, which reminded me of my very first lifegroup in nanyang. Those really intimate times, times when the lifegroup was indeed a pillar of support, strength and great joy, the times when people bared their souls, the times when everyone is just there for everybody, supporting and encouraging one another, the times when everyone went home very very refreshed and charged up at the end of the day, the times when we were all fighting to serve, fighting to bless, the times when abs could possibly grow because we were laughing so hard, hahaha I don't even remember any day that we didn't laugh hard. Those were the days when idette was there. And then I look at myself today, where did idette go lol. Found my leader's blog, and I am very encouraged, very blessed by it. The vulnerability, the humility, the love, the courage, the trust, the volume of God in her life, so evident, so in awe. Brokenness mended and whole. Broken vessels, so beautiful :') And then I look at myself, again lol, what am I doing in my life HAHA. Wandering around, settling with the minimums, pointless overthinking, wasting time which I could have invested in God, in people, in growing myself, so many other things.

So yes, come back idette. It's about time to call everything in this season to end, and embark on a new one. It has been quite an emotionally and mentally draining ride. Maybe, struggling is the point. Coming out just a little wiser, hopefully hahaha. And then reminding myself, what do I believe in?

I believe in You, God the Father.
Help me Lord, to do life with You. Help me to see things from Your view, to love people with Your love. I want to make my life count for You. It's not going to be easy, but I'll try, hahaha I try okay heh.

Yayyy hahaha, changed my url from hidingunderyourwings because nah, I don't want to hide anymore hahahaha, perfect love casts out fears, so fear no more and courage on!

Thank You for today :)

In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, is Christ alone.

Goodbye, the 19th year.

Annyeong God :)

2014 has been great, really great, thank you:) 

January to June, thank you for the childcare job. Started emailing childcares in December 2013 and response wasn't good at all, and I thot it was a goodbye alr. But woahh, in January 2014 I received an email for interview woohooooo! That job was really tiring, 8.30am to 5.30pm, leaving the childcare drained physically, mentally and emotionally everyday. The amount of real shit I saw, the many colours, hahaha I remembered there was green and red ewwwww LOLL. And then getting transferred from one class to another, it was a pretty good chance to explore the different age groups hahaha. 11am to 1pm was the busiest period of each day, showering class and class of kids one after another straight, wah I think I might have showered almost the whole school HAHA. Showering is a battle everyday. From noon onwards, things were easier. I quite like patting kids to sleep hahahah like awww. I really like the younger ones, like around 2-4 yo, they're way too cute I actually missed them over the weekends HAHAHA. I guess it was the first time ever that I looked forward to mondays. I wouldn't mind being a childcare teacher next time :)

Meanwhile in March, the A's results. I really secretly wished that my name would be called out on stage. At least for once in my entire education journey. Oh well. Though my results were what I least expected, like it was beyond my preparation for the worst LOL, I'm glad the ordeal is finally over. JC was just insane, highest level of studying alr. All the Us, the disappointments and failures almost every then and then was like 家常便饭 lol, so much so that I was pretty much numbed to failing alr. I wouldn't say I studied really really hard, I fell asleep in lectures and tutorials a lot of times, ponned school, 1st in class for the first time ever, but for the highest number of latecoming HAHAHA, but can I say I really tried, I really tried my best. I thought I would have done better, oh well. Probably my best is not enough for this system. Nevertheless, I made it to my first choice of school.

From July onwards, life became busier with school. Just before school orientation camps started, I went Taiwan with the family. I realised I never blogged about this, my first holiday trip with the family. Taiwan is love, LOLLL, life in Taiwan is just too good, I could stay there forever. Waking up to a day of more fantabulous food, more shopping, no worries, no work, no school, wah. Food in Taiwan is one of the best things ever, every street you go, the food is so damn good. The 臭豆腐，grilled sotong, Ah Zhong mianxian hurhur I'm hungry. I really love the 7-11 there, it's super cheap, they sell 茶叶蛋 and a wide range of milk tea. It was my supper every night there. The 夜市 super fun, all the cheap goods. But I still love Taiwan for the food, it's like paradise woooohooooooo I'm so going back. Right after coming back from heaven, I went for ADM's freshmen orientation camp the next day. It was quite fun meeting new people, making friends. But the fright night, LOL probably the joke of my ADM journey alr. I made my partner scared and she cried her way through while I laughed my way HAHAHA it was so scary that it was so funny how we managed to make it through HAHA, but near the last part I did cry also lah LOL because I got a scare when I turned behind, I still remember I ran to Alexis immediately HAHAHAH. And then they made us take a polaroid together when we were both crying LOL. A day later after the ADM camp, there was Union camp. Despite the hearsay about such camps, it was a pretty good one, like it was quite clean, it was fun, and many new friendships found. It was a really long camp though LOL, like one full week. And then school officially started after the freshmen welcome week. School can never get more fun with all the handicrafts and totally artsy farts. Charcoal drawing, lino printing, clay modelling, filming, these are really some fun shit. Friends and classmates are all really fun people too. School will never be the same again woohooooooo!! School is funz. So glad I made it to film major, though when it comes to year 2 it'll be quite stressful with all the professional photographers/filmmakers in the class hurhur. It's okay I'm here to learn anyway yay.

Goodbye 2014, thanks for being so nice to me :)

Hello 2015! I don't bother with new year resolutions anymore, since I can't remember it as time passes HAHA, and they don't usually get done, so nah. But please be nice to me too :)