It's 3 months into 2015, things haven't been fantastic I guess, but still manageable. Ever since the 3 days school week started, workload has been fair enough, probably a little less than everyone else haha, and that fact probably created more procrastination from my side, more laidback, less urgency, less inspiration, less motivation, possibly more empty hahaha. With that extra time I had, I don't even recall anything of value done lol, what a waste. People, it's a first losing someone so dear to me, someone that I never knew I would lose. It was painful putting that crane, seeing the family crying so hard, it just ached my heart so much, so much. As everything replays in my mind all over again right now, I'm scared. I really hope those moments never replay itself again. Losing someone is scary, I don't want to lose anyone again. Just don't. Things with You, well, lukewarm for quite a long while, close to 3 months, life wasn't especially nice without You during this season. Can I welcome another season already?
Yesterday's lifegroup was pretty refreshing, for the first time I didn't have to be the guitarist for worship, could just enjoy and really worship You heh. Today's even better woohooooo, refreshed by the shepherding, I think we are getting better at this HAHA, opening up deeper slowly but surely. She asked a question, which reminded me of my very first lifegroup in nanyang. Those really intimate times, times when the lifegroup was indeed a pillar of support, strength and great joy, the times when people bared their souls, the times when everyone is just there for everybody, supporting and encouraging one another, the times when everyone went home very very refreshed and charged up at the end of the day, the times when we were all fighting to serve, fighting to bless, the times when abs could possibly grow because we were laughing so hard, hahaha I don't even remember any day that we didn't laugh hard. Those were the days when idette was there. And then I look at myself today, where did idette go lol. Found my leader's blog, and I am very encouraged, very blessed by it. The vulnerability, the humility, the love, the courage, the trust, the volume of God in her life, so evident, so in awe. Brokenness mended and whole. Broken vessels, so beautiful :') And then I look at myself, again lol, what am I doing in my life HAHA. Wandering around, settling with the minimums, pointless overthinking, wasting time which I could have invested in God, in people, in growing myself, so many other things.
So yes, come back idette. It's about time to call everything in this season to end, and embark on a new one. It has been quite an emotionally and mentally draining ride. Maybe, struggling is the point. Coming out just a little wiser, hopefully hahaha. And then reminding myself, what do I believe in?
I believe in You, God the Father.
Help me Lord, to do life with You. Help me to see things from Your view, to love people with Your love. I want to make my life count for You. It's not going to be easy, but I'll try, hahaha I try okay heh.
Yayyy hahaha, changed my url from hidingunderyourwings because nah, I don't want to hide anymore hahahaha, perfect love casts out fears, so fear no more and courage on!
Thank You for today :)
In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, is Christ alone.
Yesterday's lifegroup was pretty refreshing, for the first time I didn't have to be the guitarist for worship, could just enjoy and really worship You heh. Today's even better woohooooo, refreshed by the shepherding, I think we are getting better at this HAHA, opening up deeper slowly but surely. She asked a question, which reminded me of my very first lifegroup in nanyang. Those really intimate times, times when the lifegroup was indeed a pillar of support, strength and great joy, the times when people bared their souls, the times when everyone is just there for everybody, supporting and encouraging one another, the times when everyone went home very very refreshed and charged up at the end of the day, the times when we were all fighting to serve, fighting to bless, the times when abs could possibly grow because we were laughing so hard, hahaha I don't even remember any day that we didn't laugh hard. Those were the days when idette was there. And then I look at myself today, where did idette go lol. Found my leader's blog, and I am very encouraged, very blessed by it. The vulnerability, the humility, the love, the courage, the trust, the volume of God in her life, so evident, so in awe. Brokenness mended and whole. Broken vessels, so beautiful :') And then I look at myself, again lol, what am I doing in my life HAHA. Wandering around, settling with the minimums, pointless overthinking, wasting time which I could have invested in God, in people, in growing myself, so many other things.
So yes, come back idette. It's about time to call everything in this season to end, and embark on a new one. It has been quite an emotionally and mentally draining ride. Maybe, struggling is the point. Coming out just a little wiser, hopefully hahaha. And then reminding myself, what do I believe in?
I believe in You, God the Father.
Help me Lord, to do life with You. Help me to see things from Your view, to love people with Your love. I want to make my life count for You. It's not going to be easy, but I'll try, hahaha I try okay heh.
Yayyy hahaha, changed my url from hidingunderyourwings because nah, I don't want to hide anymore hahahaha, perfect love casts out fears, so fear no more and courage on!
Thank You for today :)
In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, is Christ alone.
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